Venus in retrograde

By Luanne Manlapaz

Venus and Earth.
Photo from WikiCommons.

I'm stuck with being in love with you
at least for the next 31 days-
Venus is in the peak of her retrograde
and there is nothing I can do but give in,
helplessly drink what the cosmos bring,
succumb to the planets, without a clue-
I'm never strong enough not to

and the pull is so strong
that one night of being with you
will never be enough
at least not until the end
of this Venus month

and we don't even have to touch
(well, maybe hold hands
just like the last time-
the innocent gesture
of a dangerous crime)

But really, in reality,
because I rarely get to see you
maybe merely looking at you will do-

I'm intoxicated by your presence alone;
and I crave the sound of your voice
carrying your priceless thoughts
to my soul-
a need so raw;
I'm infatuated, addicted
feeling helpless and medicated

I've chanted the mantra
of mind over matter,
emptied my mind with deep breathing,
did everything by the book,
but nothing is helping
I remind myself that in a month
as always, this will be over,
no need to be afraid,
(at least until the next retrograde)
but of course, it doesn't help.

and although this bout of fever isn't new
time made the last one obscure:
I lost details to this blur of
did it or did it not happen?

breathing life to moments
I've completely forgotten

mechanics are complete
but I lost the name of the game
memories reduced to a scent
familiar only by it's name

like the shadows
of what was once adolescent hysteria-
I remember the faces
Though I lost the nostalgia

But now my brain is itching
and I can't stop this incessant scratching

so I wake up early
so I can work non-stop the whole day,
so I can sleep early
so I can wake up in the middle of night
and think of you without distraction
and write you silly poems
that you'll never read

31 days left -

and until then I have the comfort
of having the cosmos to blame

until time dilutes this deluded phase-
and I go back to feeling sane-

and she will be there
shining in a faultless distance:

Venus-
floating with cruel abandon in space,
Gracefully back in her proper place
Moving direct in her glorious path
Oblivious to her retrograde's aftermath

Dancing and twinkling on her merry way,
Drifting further and farther away

As I remain
awaiting the return of reason-
at least until the next retrograde season.

Luanne Manlapaz also writes at Filstrology.